What About Socialization?

“Kids need to be with other kids.”

“Children need socialization.”

“How are your kids going to interact with other people?”

Some of the most common questions about homeschooling revolve around the social life of children. So let’s get to the heart of this issue right up front.

I know, most of us want to reply to this question by touting our long list of activities, proving to the world that our children are indeed socialized. We talk about co-op, scouts, church, sports teams, etc. And while this is somewhat of a valid answer, there is a much deeper and more important issue that Christians should consider.

The wisdom of this world is foolishness with God (1 Corinthians 3:19).

Christians don’t need to prove that we are just as good as the world. Our children were given to us by God, and His ways are higher than ours. Often, homeschoolers are so busy trying to outdo the world that we forget what God has called us to.

What Is Socialization?

Now, think of every socialization argument that you can, and hold them up to this bit of scripture. Is it really true that kids need to be with other kids? Not really. Yes, they want to be with other kids. And there’s nothing wrong with that. But you might be surprised to know that kids don’t need to be with other kids on a daily basis.

The wisdom of the world says that for kids to know how to interact with other people, they must be around other people their age all day, every day. This is about the worst advice for child-rearing that I can think of! This is an artificial type of social interaction, and after graduation, they will never experience anything like it again.

Interacting with people doesn’t take forced socialization; it’s a natural part of life at any age. In the home, children learn to interact with people by starting with their own families. Even an only child, with just a mom and dad at home, still learns by example and through all the normal little things that happen in a day. Further, they learn from doing things together outside the home: waving at the mailman, going to the grocery store, attending church, a day at the park or the zoo, eating out in a restaurant, and of course, playing with other children.

Proper socialization is taught in the home at all hours of the day. Children learn to greet family members in the morning, to say please and thank you, to listen attentively and not interrupt others, to use table manners, to play games together, to share belongings, and the list goes on.

Negative Socialization

Now think about the public school classroom, hallway, playground, or bus ride. How many of these positive things are taught or modeled?

On the flip side of that, how many negative things are taught and modeled?

Parents, we must not be blind to our children’s propensity to sin. Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child (Proverbs 22:15). What’s more, we must be aware of the hundreds of other little sinners they interact with at school. A crowd of children, from all backgrounds, and lightly supervised, is going to tend toward sinful behavior.

And I’m not referring to name-calling or rock-throwing.

Yes, those things happen. But don’t be fooled. In this internet-driven world, the kinds of sin your children are likely being exposed to is more sickening than you’d like to admit. Two of the most prevalent culprits are witchcraft and sexuality. But there are many others.

I live in a very rural county in Texas. You know, the red-state Bible belt? And I get firsthand accounts from the parents and kids in my town, my church, and my neighborhood that would shock you. Smartphone videos that children pass around on the school bus. Foul language in kindergarten. Sexual escapades that happen at school and are discussed with all ages. Trans kids of every age. Bullying that scars children for life. And in case you hadn’t heard, the war on drugs was lost. Kids are still using them, selling them, and becoming addicted to them.

This, my friends, is public school socialization. And unless you’re super fortunate, it’s also this way in private schools.

It saddens me when I am told these stories. And every time I hear one, I think of the parents who believe that public school socialization only means playground games and friendship bracelets.

Proverbs 13:20 tells us, “He who walks with wise men will be wise, but a companion of fools will be destroyed.” If we’re honest with ourselves, we know this happens more often than not.

Positive Socialization

As I said above, true socialization happens naturally, all day, every day. It doesn’t need to be forced. Children are naturally social, even the most shy ones. They are interested in the world around them, they want to talk to people they meet, and they want to play with other children.

As a homeschool family, we can facilitate all of this, but in a safer way. Yes, we participate in church, sports, co-ops, music lessons, and many other planned activities. Of course we want our children to be well-rounded. Friends are a gift from God, and such a delight for children!

Moms and Dads, be deliberate in this area. Purpose to seek out good friends for your children. Get to know the whole family. If you need to, organize play times at your house! And teach your children how to be good friends.

Some of the best advice I’ve heard over my parenting years included this: make time to supervise your children at play with others, instead of turning children loose for multiple hours unobserved. Stay within earshot. Step in when you need to. Set limits on internet use among kids. Encourage old-fashioned fun like games, outdoor play, crafts, etc. Teach your children about the fruit of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23).

Don’t be discouraged if your child has just one or two really good friends! This is often much more meaningful than a large group of casual acquaintances. And don’t fret over seasons where your child doesn’t have a BFF, or doesn’t care to. Each child is unique, and in a loving and vibrant family, a child without a circle of friends is still a healthy child. Be open and flexible for each child’s needs. Don’t force something just because the world tells you to.

As I said above, the wisdom of this world is foolishness with God. And when we practice God’s wisdom, we will seem foolish to the world. When you apply this biblical principle to the socialization question, you’ll start to see it in a whole new light.

Socialization is one of the best reasons to homeschool. The twenty-ish years we have with our children are such a short time in which to teach them, train them, and protect them. Make the most of it by guarding their hearts and minds, while thoughtfully putting them in social situations that are healthy and wise.