What If My Husband Won't Let Me Homeschool?
This is not a Dear Abby column, but it could have been. I have been asked by many desperate mothers over the past several years what to do when their husband will not let them homeschool.
This is not hard to answer, but the answer is hard: obey your husband.
You might have been hoping for a different answer. I don’t blame you. I could tell you to get your husband to read certain books, talk to certain people, and look up statistics on public outcomes. I could tell you that God wants your children out of public school, and that you need to do what you feel is best.
Here’s the thing: God honors our obedience. He blesses our trust. For women in this 21st-century, ultra-feminized world, these ideas are not popular. Your best friend, your mom, and your favorite social media influencer may all be telling you to follow your heart, that your husband is wrong, and that it’s up to you to make this decision.
But while I would love to see everyone raise their children fully at home, I also cannot advise a woman to disobey her husband. God is the same yesterday, today, and forever (Hebrews 13:8). His ways are perfect (Psalm 18:30). His ways are higher than ours (Isaiah 55:8-9). They have not changed.
Our standard should always be God’s word. In this case, God’s design for the family is very clear. From Genesis, we see that the man is head of the wife (Genesis 3). A wife has many important roles, and one of them is to submit to her husband’s authority (Ephesians 5:22, Ephesians 5:24, Colossians 3:18, 1 Peter 3:1). This is not old-fashioned advice. This is a recipe for blessing and peace.
Dear mom, honor your husband despite your disagreement. Submit to his authority. And set that example for your children. Show them that you will obey God by respecting your husband. This is an outward act and an inward act.
Make an Appeal
If the situation warrants, you might appeal to your husband. This is not the same as begging and pleading, or fighting. I only recommend a respectful conversation about overcoming the obstacles. Depending on his reasons for not homeschooling, there might be a solution.
If it’s about sports or socialization, maybe a bit of information about the local homeschool association will help. Visit a local co-op together, find out about the teams and clubs available, or visit with other homeschool couples. If it’s about your ability to educate children, you can suggest a convention, an online article, or a book that explains home education. Israel Wayne’s book Education: Does God Have an Opinion? gets right to the heart of the matter. If your husband is a willing reader, this is the book I suggest. If you need help with practical solutions in regards to money, special needs, working parents, etc., my book Anyone Can Homeschool addresses all of these. Don’t be that woman who highlights all the pages and leaves them open on his nightstand. : ) But offer them if he is amenable.
However, if he is simply not willing to entertain the thought of homeschooling, your role is to respectfully submit, wait, and pray. Cast all your cares on Him, because He cares for you (1 Peter 5:7).
Are You That Husband?
If you’re reading this article and that husband is you, I have a plea: hear your wife out. Give her the chance to discuss her concerns without fear. That mama-bear instinct is real, and who better to share this with than you?
If you are concerned about losing your wife’s income, just remember that God is your provider. He knows your needs before you even ask. Adjusting from two incomes to one is a huge commitment, and yes, it’s frightening. But maybe that doesn’t have to be the first giant step! There are lots of families who work two jobs and educate their children at home. Read my blog post on Working and Homeschooling to see the many ways it is done.
Are you worried your children will be socially awkward? Let me assure you that good social skills are not taught by the 28 other kids in 4th grade. They come from adults who carefully teach and train their children in self-control, manners, and behavior. Those adults are mom and dad. A lack of public schooling will not make your kids awkward. In fact, it will be quite the opposite. But if you need more food for thought, read What About Socialization?
Many fathers want their children involved in organized sports. It’s kind of an American rite of passage. And this is not necessarily a bad thing. But sports can happen without public school. Besides city and county leagues, you might be surprised how many actual teams and associations homeschoolers have around the country. Some teams are purely for the fun and exercise, while many others compete in local and national tournaments.
One of the biggest concerns is college. As a family provider, fathers want to know that they have provided their children with every opportunity for the future. If your goal is for your children to attend college, rest assured that this is possible (and very common) for homeschool graduates. We give our children high school transcripts, diplomas, and the SAT. Our children have all of the same choices and opportunities (including CLEP and scholarships) that every other student does. Homeschooled high schoolers also often take advantage of dual credit courses, and many graduate high school with the bonus of having earned their Associate’s degree at the same time.
But what I really want you to know is that while all of these concerns are very common for fathers, they are also surface issues. Money, socialization, sports, and college—these are temporal. They do not affect the heart, and they have no bearing on eternity. What does it profit a man if he should gain the whole world and lose his soul? (Mark 8:36)
Education is discipleship. And today’s discipleship is nearing the complete opposite of everything parents are commanded to teach their children in the Bible. As I mentioned above, Israel Wayne’s book is an eye-opener, and really helps to put these things in perspective.
Trust God’s Design
Dear moms and dads, in all matters of the home, we can trust God’s design. Men are the head of the home, and are commanded to love their wives. Women are under the authority of their husbands and are command to submit to them. Fathers are commanded to raise their children up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. None of these commands are without purpose, and they do not work in opposition to each other.
Human wisdom is limited and worldly; God’s ways are perfect, and they work perfectly together. Let God’s word guide you in your home, and instead of the world leading you, He will use you and your family to change the world.