The Parent As Shepherd
As parents, how should we view our relationship to our children? That of a friend? Coach? Mentor? Glorified babysitter? Open wallet? If we are to honor God in the way we raise our children, we need to take a serious look at the biblical roles we’re obligated to fulfill for that purpose. After all, the world’s perspectives are mundane at best and destructive at worst. For some, children are nothing more than an obstacle to personal fulfillment. For others, children represent a lucrative means of additional government welfare. Far too often, estranged parents use children as bargaining chips to manipulate one another. Some outright abandon their children, either physically or emotionally.
Of course, the Christian parent understands that these views of parenthood are unacceptable to God. But in place of these, what should the Christian parent’s role actually be?
A Little Church
Consider the opening stanzas from Our Home Is Like a Little Church, a heartwarming book that describes a godly household from a child’s perspective:
My family goes to Sunday church.
We see the pastor there.
He teaches us the Word of God
and leads us all in prayer.We pray and praise God at our house.
He makes our family glad.
Our home is like a little church.
The pastor is my Dad.[1]
Though the book was written in recent years, its ideas are far from modern. On the contrary, it was the great Puritan Thomas Watson who wrote—in 1692—“Masters of families must glorify God, must season their children and servants with the knowledge of the Lord; their houses should be little churches.”[2] Have you ever thought about your family this way? Well, if it’s true that the home should mimic a little church, then in order to know how to lead our children at home, we need to know how a pastor is to lead a congregation in a local church.
And it only makes sense that we would do this, since there is a tremendous amount of overlap in the objectives between the two:
As a parent, you want to bring your child to saving faith in Christ. Likewise, a pastor’s ministry is fulfilled by bringing people to saving faith in Christ (cf. 2 Tim. 4:5).
As a parent, you desire to raise your child to spiritual maturity in Christ. A pastor’s ministry is also intended to mature and equip the saints (cf. Eph. 4:11-12).
As a parent, you want to protect your children from influences that would negatively impact them. So, too, is the job of a pastor to protect his people from spiritual predators (cf. Acts 20:28-29).
In fact, the two roles have so much overlap that even to be qualified for the office of pastor, a potential candidate must first demonstrate that he can faithfully manage his own household (cf. 1 Tim. 3:4, Titus 1:6). Is a man to be entrusted with much? He must first demonstrate his trustworthiness with little.
It should come as no surprise, then, that Scripture refers to an individual disciple as a “son in the faith” (1 Tim. 1:2), to a group of believers as “little children” (1 John 2:1, 2 John 13), and to the Church itself as the “household” of God (1 Tim. 3:15). The parallel between home and church is comprehensive because when it comes to spiritual leadership, the former is the proving ground for the latter, and the latter is the standard for the former.
Dr. John MacArthur concurs in his book The Master’s Plan for the Church:
An elder’s home life is an essential consideration. Before he can lead in the church, he must demonstrate his spiritual leadership within the context of his own family.[3]
MacArthur goes on to say,
An elder's ability to manage the church is affirmed in the home. Therefore he must be a strong spiritual leader in the home before he is qualified to lead in the church.[4]
All this to say, our roles as parents in the home must indeed resemble the roles that a pastor fulfills in the church. Know how to lead a church and you’ll know how to lead a family. To that end, the first role that a parent must emulate is that of a shepherd.
The Parent As Shepherd
At its foundation, Christian leadership is about shepherding. Just as a literal shepherd lives with, nurtures, feeds, and protects his sheep, so too does a Christian leader perform these duties with the people God has entrusted to him. And while we don't often use the word “shepherd” to describe a person (aside from actual sheep farmers), we do often use the Latin translation of it: pastor. Thus, by definition, when we say that a man ought to be like a pastor in his home, we are saying that a man ought to be like a shepherd in his home.
Again, Dr. John MacArthur explains:
Our Lord’s favorite metaphor for spiritual leadership, a figure He often used to describe Himself, is that of a shepherd—one who tends God’s flock. Every church leader is a shepherd. Even the word pastor itself means “shepherd.” It is appropriate imagery. A shepherd leads, feeds, nurtures, comforts, corrects, and protects. Those are responsibilities of every churchman.[5]
As parents who aspire to train up their children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, we must begin to think like a shepherd. How does a shepherd lead the congregation? How does he protect the congregation? How does he equip the congregation? How does he serve the congregation? How does he love the congregation? If we consider the ways in which pastors are to shepherd their flocks in church, we can condense those principles down to the home and be equipped for our task as well.
First, a shepherd must be constantly attentive, recognizing that his sheep are prone to wander (cf. Isa. 53:6). Pastors should be attentive to the needs and weaknesses of their congregations, knowing that the world’s temptations are constantly trying to draw away their people. Likewise, parents must make it their daily task to attend to the needs of their children. Kids will not naturally come to Christ by virtue of growing up in a Christian home. Christianity is not like a marinade that can soak into children if they are immersed in it long enough. Parents who want to be shepherds must recognize that child-rearing is a hands-on endeavor that requires daily diligence of the highest order (cf. Deut. 6:7).
Second, a shepherd must recognize that his sheep need constant nourishment, knowing that sheep cannot always find water or green pastures on their own (cf. Psa. 23:1-2). Though all who are able to read and study Scripture on their own should be doing that, pastors know that their job is to study and preach the Word in depth in order to deliver soul-searching nourishment to their people whenever they gather (cf. 2 Tim. 2:15). Likewise, parents must recognize that they are accountable for teaching their children the truths of God’s Word (cf. Psa. 78:4). Therefore, it is critical to understand that the Bible is not a book to be “assigned” to children to read on their own (a paradigm found nowhere in Scripture); it is to be the very text by which parents teach and disciple their children. This is no different than in church: a pastor may preside over a congregation of studious churchmen, but that in no way abdicates his own duty to continue teaching them the Bible Sunday by Sunday. Similarly, children who aspire to study on their own should be encouraged, but that ought only to be a supplement to a parent’s own discipleship efforts. Dads and moms who want to be shepherds must recognize that their children must be fed not only physically, but spiritually.
Third, a shepherd must understand that wolves are always on the prowl, looking to make a meal out of any given sheep (cf. Acts 20:29). Pastors understand that Satan is out and about, seeking whom he may devour, and as the father of lies he uses false teaching as his primary weapon (cf. John 8:44, 1 Pet. 5:8). Therefore, a pastor must not only teach truth, but also refute lies (and liars, cf. Titus 1:9, Gal. 2:11). It’s not enough for a pastor to teach sound doctrine and merely assume that his congregants can spot counterfeits. He is to expose—by name—charlatans and the deceptions they peddle. Likewise, parents who intend to shepherd their children must know that it is their duty to monitor and guard all that their children spiritually consume, exposing and refuting error as it tries to assault their children’s precious, vulnerable minds (cf. Eph. 4:14). Parents know better than to let their toddlers wander the floor putting whatever they find into their mouths; it should be no different in the spiritual realm.
Finally, in the context of Christianity, a shepherd must know that he is accountable to the Chief Shepherd for how he has treated the sheep (cf. 1 Pet. 5:4). Pastors ought to recognize that Jesus is head of the Church, and they will give an account to Him for how they managed their local church. Any pastor who takes a casual, callous, or cavalier approach to ministry ought to expect few rewards when he stands before Christ. Contrary to what the latest “vision-casting” pastor would tell you, the Bible spells out how local churches are to be established, led, organized, and conducted—and no Christian leader has the freedom to do otherwise. Likewise, parents should recognize that they will be held accountable for how they have raised the children God has given them. Parents do not have the liberty of raising their children according to what they think is best, but according to what the Bible says is best.
Bad Examples
Of course, part of the problem many parents face today is finding themselves in churches with sub-par pastoral examples. It’s tough to shepherd your family at home when there aren’t any true shepherds in church. Whether it’s a “Sunday CEO,” a “life coach,” an “influencer,” or just an outright cult leader, scores of men (and women, sadly!) standing behind pulpits in modern churches are not examples you want to follow. As John MacArthur notes, “Some contemporary church leaders fancy themselves businessmen, media figures, entertainers, psychologists, philosophers, or lawyers. Yet, these notions contrast sharply with the metaphors Scripture employs to depict spiritual leaders.[6]
Voddie Baucham offers a sober diagnosis as to the cause of the malady:
“I believe one of the greatest obstacles to biblical family shepherding is the way we view elders. Today, most churches call men to the office of elder (or pastor or bishop; the terms are used interchangeably in the New Testament) without the slightest examination of their family. I know senior pastors who have been voted into churches before their wives ever entered the door. How could we possibly be serious about elders modeling biblical family life to the benefit of their flock if an evaluation of the elder’s home and family is never approached?”[7]
It’s sad to say, but words like unqualified, immature, ignorant, disobedient, and untrustworthy characterize many of evangelicalism’s pastors. If you want to raise your children biblically, perhaps the easiest first step is to examine what the average seeker-sensitive pastor is doing, and do just the opposite in your home.
Know Your Role
So, do you view your children as if they were your disciples? You should, because they are. Seeing them as intrusions into your life means you don’t. The mother who says she could never see herself being around her children all day is one who fails to see herself as a shepherd(ess). The dad who comes home from work and mentally checks out on the couch until it’s time for bed is one who fails to view himself as a shepherd. The parents who spend more time on their phone swiping than in their Bible studying don’t understand the assignment. No true herdsman would have this mentality. Both dads (primarily, as the leader of the home) and moms (secondarily, in support of their husbands) need to see themselves as leaders of a flock of children requiring daily attention. Moreover, they should want to see themselves as that type of person in the home (cf. 1 John 5:3).
Ultimately, we must consider what it would take to lead a church, and follow similar principles at home. The synopsis of Our Home Is Like a Little Church captures this sentiment perfectly:
The home is the front line of ministry to children—not the Sunday school or public church gathering. All the practices present in a Christian worship service—the Scriptures, prayer, and praise—should be present in the home as well. Our Home is Like a Little Church teaches this truth by repeatedly putting church and home side by side-on adjacent pages. God expects parents to teach their children when they sit down for meals, when they drive along the road, when they lie down for bed, and when they get up in the morning. These “pastoral” duties can be daunting so this book also serves as a reminder that these duties are done in light of God’s grace shown to us through Jesus’ work on the cross.
With that in mind, it should be noted that there are additional roles you must embrace in the home—that of expositor, evangelist, and polemicist, just to name a few. But the first order of business is this: you must view yourself as a shepherd.
References:
[1] Lindsey Blair and Bobby Gilles, Our Home is like a Little Church (St. Louis, MO: Sojourn Community Church, 2008), 1-2.
[2] Thomas Watson, A Body of Divinity, 1692 (2015; reis., Edinburgh, Scotland, UK: The Banner of Truth Trust, 2015), 20.
[3] John MacArthur, The Master's Plan for the Church (Chicago, IL: Moody Publishers, 2008), 257.
[4] Ibid., 257.
[5] Ibid., 10.
[6] Ibid., 9.
[7] Voddie Baucham, Family Shepherds: Calling and Equipping Men to Lead Their Homes (Wheaton, IL: Crossway, 2011), 33.